Will my sex toy replace my partner?

‘Will I have less desire to have sex with my partner if I get a sex toy?’ 


I get asked this question very often. In fact, it’s the question that I’ve been asked the most lately.  

Those who are asking the question are usually women who are single with a high sex drive. They tell me about their disastrous dating stories, toxic relationships and bad sexual encounters. Naturally, I suggest that getting a sex toy could put an end to all of that. 


Isn’t a sex toy better than bad sex with someone who doesn’t care about you? 


I’ve been a sex toy connoisseur for nearly 15 years and I can safely say that sex toys do not replace real-life experiences. I always found manual masturbation to be boring. Despite this, I have had a high libido all my life and although it’s great to reach orgasms easily and really enjoy sex, I must confess that my elevated sex drive has often led me down paths that perhaps weren’t the best for me. 


I used to stay in toxic relationships for far too long simply because the sex was good and I didn’t want to be celibate. This is actually the reason why I bought my first sex toy. After ending yet another toxic relationship years ago, I decided it was time to end this pattern and I bought my very first sex toy and I haven’t looked back since. 


At first, I made the mistake of believing that I needed something phallic (guaina fallica) to reach orgasm, but then when my favourite rabbit vibrator suddenly broke, I was ‘forced’ in the nicest possible way to make use of the non-phallic toys in my collection. After making a mind-body connection as far as masturbation was concerned, I learned how to climax with almost any sex toy. 

Now I have acquired 700 sex toys and I don’t use dating apps nor do I sleep with strangers when I’m single. These days, when I do have sex, it’s the kind of sex that has fireworks and intimacy at the same time. This is because my sex toys help me to make better decisions when it comes to choosing and interacting with potential lovers. 


Being horny can be like being drunk. It alters your perception. You can find someone attractive and worthy of entertaining in your bed and then when you’re needs have been met (or not as the case may be) it’s like waking up from a dream in a different reality and you wonder: ‘OMG I can’t believe I just did that!’ Suddenly the person who was making you horny can seem totally unattractive. 


Another common misconception is that using a sex toy instead of having sex with a real person is a ‘cold’ experience. I couldn’t disagree more. When I engage in masturbation with a sex toy, I am not thinking about the toy in question. It is simply a tool to help me reach my destination of orgasm. In addition, I prefer using a toy to touching myself with my own hands because the fact that it’s a foreign object helps me to enjoy my fantasy more. I imagine that it is someone else stimulating me with a very skilled hand or mouth. 


I’d much rather use a sex toy than have sex with people who I’m not 100% into or who are not into me. 


So ‘no’, my sex toys do not replace real-life sexual encounters. 


They help me make much better dating decisions so I can enjoy the best human experiences possible. 

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