Whether you have been together for months, years or decades, your sex life is likely to have ups and downs. Ask anyone in a loving relationship: sometimes they may just enjoy a cuddle on the sofa, but at other times they can think of little else other than where, when, and how they can get the other into the bedroom (or the kitchen, car, living room…).
If you are at the stage where one or both of you feel that you need a little boost, then congratulations! This is where the fun begins. There is no magic wand that you can wave to get your sex life and sexual needs magically in sync. However, there are some things you can do to keep or regain your spark.
Keep it in perspective
Assuming that you are in a healthy, consensual relationship, it is important that you understand three things:
- Whatever you are experiencing, either heightened passion or a drop in mojo, it is probably not permanent.
- There is no such thing as “normal” or “average”. As long as you are open with each other, then what works for you is just fine. That could be having sex at every opportunity; it could be a strictly Wednesday and Sunday affair, or you may have amazing sex once a month. If it works for you and you are both happy, then that is all that matters.
- It is up to you whether you want to (or need to) do anything about it.
Make time for each other
This may seem obvious but take a minute to think about your last few encounters with your partner. Even better, think about the last few times that you had unsuccessful sex, for whatever reason. If you are in a long-term relationship, the chances are you have work, household chores, pets, children, or a combination thereof getting in the way of your passionate liaisons.
The chances are that, of the last few sexual encounters you can think of, they have been rushed in between chores, at the end of a long day, or interrupted by fellow residents (furry or otherwise).
For many couples, sex is an important part of the relationship; it provides intimate moments that allow the connection to be rekindled, free from the pressures of everyday life. So why would you not allocate time to be together?
You don’t have to schedule sex into your diary, but by taking the time to make it sensual and special, rather than another thing ticked off the to-do list, you will both benefit hugely. So, switch the bedside lamp for some candles and change up your comfy nightshirt for something that makes you feel sexy and desirable.
Talk about it
Loss of libido affects everyone at some point in their life. This becomes increasingly common as men and women age and, thanks to changes in hormones, their sexual desire diminishes.
This can be upsetting for both parties, especially as it is not usually a reflection of how they feel about each other. For men, however, there is additional pressure to “perform” and, despite the presence of desire, their body doesn’t do what they want it to. Erectile dysfunction (ED) sounds like a terrifying term but the fact is that, at some point in their life, most men will have the experience of being unable to achieve, and keep an erection.
If you are a woman who just doesn’t feel desirable – or feel desire – speak to your partner about it and explain how you feel. If you are a man who is suffering from reduced libido or you are anxious about ED, talk to your partner! By being honest and open you can talk about solutions for both of you – and you may even discover a few things that will excite you both even more.
Talk to a professional
For women going through menopause or perimenopause, it may be worth speaking to a medical professional. There are plenty of medications ranging in potency that can be bought over the counter or, if appropriate, prescribed to treat the symptoms of menopause which could also help you to regain your sex drive.
For men, there are a host of ED medications out there that could give you the physical and psychological boost that you need. The most well-known is probably Viagra but its non-branded equivalents, known collectively as generic sildenafil, are available on a private prescription and are usually much cheaper than Viagra.
Once you have talked to your partner about your worries about your sex life, speaking to a medical professional should be a breeze! A trusted online pharmacy is a great place for you to start looking at solutions to your problems. With no obligation, no embarrassing face-to-face conversations, and no risk of bumping into someone you know at the counter, a trusted online prescriber will be able to advise you on the best medication to suit your needs.
Look after you
Some of the main causes of loss of libido can be linked to mental health, the health of your relationship, and other lifestyle factors such as your diet, alcohol and drug consumption. Take care of yourself and your body will feel the benefits
Sex is supposed to be fun. It doesn’t have to blow your mind every time, but it should certainly be enjoyable for both parties, and you should absolutely not have to worry about it. If things have got a little intense and you are both approaching the bedroom like soldiers entering battle, you are much more likely to experience flattened libidos when it comes to it.
Have a giggle, be silly and just enjoy the moment together, without thinking (or worrying) about what is next.