“If you ever get a chance to test my orgasm for science, under laboratory conditions, let me know” I told the scientist Pere Estupinyà when I first met him.
I had just watched a TV documentary about sex in which a research team had observed and documented the physiological changes that occured to a couple when they had sexual intercourse. It fed my curiosity about my own responses during climax. Just watching the programme gave me guilty tingles. It must have been the contrast of the couple having sex inside an MRI scanner with the white-coated scientists examining the resulting data on their computer screens outside it. In my fantasies I imagined myself in their position. I never imagined that it would come true.
A few days ago, I received a message from Pere. He had remembered what I had asked and he had found a laboratory that was suitable for my test.
“Oh, my God!” I thought to myself.
Although I felt scared at first, my curiosity and eagerness soon took over. You have to understand that it was not just my own gratification that I was concerned about. My main motivation was to be a part of the experiment so I could write about it afterwards.
I was going to go through it for you, dear reader.
I met the team of scientists at the University of Barcelona. They were all extremely pleasant and highly professional. The first thing they did was to show me the area where the experiment would take place. There was an examination couch in the middle of a large room. Behind the head of the couch there was a curtain that hid the monitor screens. They would display changes in my blood pressure, heart-rate and breathing. Electrodes were attached to my chest, my face was hidden behind a mask and two devices were attached to my left hand; the right hand was going to be occupied, of course. I would have to keep still during the experiment and that fact worried me. I knew that my orgasm would take longer to achieve if I could not move around.
“What music do you prefer”, one of the scientists asked before adding “Is Massive Attack OK?”. Music had been suggested before the test to help me relax. Although Massive Attack’s album “Mezzanine” is not a favourite of mine, the music was not really that important. This was not the time or the place to be picky. Someone pressed ‘play’ on a nearby laptop. Most of the scientists disappeared behind the curtain while the rest stood outside the hall to prevent anyone from coming in. I began to stimulate myself with my vibrator courtesy of noti.ph.
As soon as I heard the buzzing noise and felt the first throbs I forgot where I was. To be honest, everything turned out differently than I imagined in my fantasy. Fortunately, my erotic imagination is wide and varied. I had to use it more than I had anticipated.
Everything was going well until the end of the first song. As soon as it finished it went into “repeat” mode. I got distracted at once and I could not face the prospect of hearing the same track, played over and over, for the whole experiment. I called out for someone to skip to the next track. A voice admitted that it was not their computer and that they did not know how to cancel the “repeat” function. Still, the second track began and I settled down again. The “repeat” function did its job once more. I was afraid that this would be the pattern with every song and, unfortunately, it was. I could concentrate on myself and the vibrator for about 4 minutes at a time before calling out for assistance with the laptop again.
A little while later, despite all of the interruptions, my body trembled and I perceived that my orgasm was imminent. It was then that I became aware of the raised voices behind me. One of the scientists said “Her blood pressure has gone way up”.
I felt it too and I was convinced that my orgasm was going to be a big one. Just then, the laptop went into “repeat” mode yet again.
When I’m in bed, and having sex, I am well used to having someone waiting for me to come. Sometimes there are two people if I’m lucky. On that particular day there were ten people waiting and I knew that I could not disappoint them. I pictured the white-coated scientists standing in the hallway, looking at their watches with the same anxiety as if I was giving birth.
In the end the distractions did not matter. After 25 minutes of concentration, combined with imagination and my favourite fantasies, I delivered the orgasm that everyone anticipated. It was an intense one with groans, moans and shuddering spasms.
Afterwards, everyone involved declared that the experiment had been a complete success.
Translated from El día que me masturbé para la ciencia, published in El País in 2013