Tantra and the Art of Slow Sex

Tantra and the Art of Slow Sex


When people think of tantric sex, they often think of long, slow sex sessions with a mystical or spiritual feel, but sans ejaculation, (in order to preserve one’s life force energy, of course). ‘What would be the point of that?’ many might think. I must confess that I blame the singer Sting for this common misconception. Years ago, he was quoted in an interview for saying that he could last for hours in bed. It is something that many people have struggled to forget.  


If we define ‘sex’ as being limited to penetration only, then naturally, a neverending in-and-out shag would not only require the stamina of a professional athlete but it would also be incredibly boring and monotonous. 


Many conventional sexual encounters follow a predictable formula of the following actions:


Kiss, caress, undress, oral sex (optional), penetration, ejaculation, the end. 


And of course, the emphasis is nearly always on the penetration part. In my humble opinion, you miss out on so much when you take this basic and simplistic approach to sexuality. 


In contrast, tantric sex focuses on maximising the pleasure and focussing on small details.  This isn’t just to make it last longer but also to enhance and heighten the pleasure. And the best part is that it goes way beyond the physical realm. 


But even the physical part of it is more pleasurable than conventional sex. This is because it doesn’t just focus on the genitals or the breasts. I remember the first time I received a tantric massage and the masseuse’s delicate tickling and caresses on my ankles sent jolts of electricity throughout my whole body. It made my nipples hard and my clitoris throb with aching desire. I would never have thought that my ankles could be so sensitive or erogenous. 


Beyond the physical, tantra provides a celebration of sensations on many different levels. When you share the experience with someone else, it is not just about a physical connection. It is definitely not just ‘fucking’. Neither is it just concentrating on body parts. Instead, it’s a communion of body, soul, spirit and energy. This increased feeling of connection is not just shared with the other person. It is a connection you feel deep within yourself. This can expand out to the Universe and/or towards the Divine if you are spiritually inclined. 


The recent lockdown situation has certainly meant that we can take our time when it comes to exploring our sex lives. As well as indulging in tantric sex, I have been using the time very wisely and I have been learning a lot about tantra. In other words, when I’m not doing it, I’m reading about it. This means that the next time I practise it, I can apply the many lessons I have learned. 


It must be highlighted that the word ‘tantra’ doesn’t just refer to a sexual practice. It is actually a way of life. 


Here’s what Wikipedia says: 


Tantra (/ˈtʌntrə, ˈtæn-/; Sanskrit: तन्त्र, literally “loom, weave, system”) denotes the esoteric traditions of Hinduism and Buddhism that co-developed most likely about the middle of the 1st millennium AD. The term tantra, in the Indian traditions, also means any systematic broadly applicable “text, theory, system, method, instrument, technique or practice”


‘Tantra illuminated’ is a popular book by (Wallis) that details the history of tantra and its true meaning and origins. It’s not restricted simply of the application to sex. I bought it recently and I can’t wait to devour it. 


But if you are looking specifically for the application of tantra to sex, then I would strongly recommend ‘The Art of Sexual Magic’ by Margo Anand. The book contains many explanations and exercises that you can practise by yourself or with a partner. It not only promotes a deeper, sensual connection. It also teaches you how to cultivate your sexual energy in order to transform your life through sex magic rituals. 


I am personally very interested in how sexual energy can be used as a tool for the manifestation of the non-sexual things in life. Orgasms are great, but this precious energy can be much more meaningful than just being an outlet for physical pleasure. It is something that I find truly fascinating.


I feel that people who reduce their sexuality to wanking over porn and shagging strangers they meet on dating apps are missing out on so much. 


In our society, sex is still regarded as a taboo. Whereas from tantric or even Taoist perspectives, sexual energy is considered to be a powerful tool, if and when it is applied correctly.  And I for one am very keen to learn more. As luck would have it. I’m not in a rush. I want the learning process to take as long as it needs to take and to make the pleasure last as long as possible. 


After all, when you are in the right headspace with the right person and you are both generating the right energy, why would you want it to end? 

3 thoughts on “Tantra and the Art of Slow Sex”

  1. Love this read of your take on Tantra. I definitely need to learn/practice more. Thanks for the book suggestions.

    I’ve taken a weekend course on Tantra (have you tried that) and it exposed me to this concept “goddess worship” cuz in the first course the focus is on the woman and no penetration was allowed.
    I for the FIRST time in my life experienced guilt free sex. Guilt in that “I can’t take too long to orgasm” or “gotta hurry up so I can reciprocate.” Rather than allowing myself to focus on the moment.
    Nope in this weekend practical, the women was required to only receive and the man had to accept that there wouldn’t be reciprocation this time, the focus was on her and he would get his turn in the next course.
    OMG it was magical!
    It makes me want to go hire male escorts now so I can continue to enjoy non-reciprocal play without guilt.

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