Sex on Sofas

Sex on Sofas

Sex on Sofas

“Goodbye” I whispered to my beloved sofa as I saw it being pushed out of my front door by three Italian students. For many, a sofa is just a piece of furniture that you relax on to watch television or have a nap on. But I have never had a single siesta on my sofa, even though I live in Spain. To be honest, I have not mastered the art of it. Nor have I watched television on my sofa because I don’t have one. For me, my sofa was a place to recline after a long day or, most importantly, it was my favorite place to have sex.

There are many reasons to do it on the sofa. It is usually much more comfortable than a bed and it offers a lot more variety when it comes to positions. It is usually lower and narrower than the standard bed, so a woman can place a foot on the floor to give her much more control in the missionary position. The back of the sofa offers additional stability if you do it on all fours while standing and it is an even more useful aid when the woman is on top. If you have any more useful suggestions for sofa-style Kama Sutra fun then please feel free to leave them in the comment section.

Sex on the sofa is not just an alternative to doing it in bed but often it’s a more exciting option. In the years that my beloved sofa and I spent together, I can honestly say that my most intense sexual experiences took place in connection with it rather than my bed. One time that stands out is my first sexual experience with another woman. Although we did end up in my bed, all the thrilling groundwork was done on my sofa in advance.

I consider my bed to be an intimate and private space. It’s a place for sleeping and being alone. For me, wanting to have sex with someone is not synonymous with wanting to spend the night with them. I often have trouble sleeping when I am lying next to a lover and I cannot abide snoring. If I have a bad night, it means that I’m not at all productive the next day. Sex on the sofa is an ideal alternative. It provides a physical and emotional distance from the place where you sleep and, after the sex act, you tend not to be as lazy as you become in bed. Keeping sex on the sofa makes it so much easier to throw someone out afterwards.

When you are on a sofa, telling a partner that “I’m tired’, means “It’s time that you left”. When you are in bed, however, “I’m tired” can, quite easily, be interpreted as “turn off the light and let’s get some sleep”. Besides, if a sex partner does not get near my bed then I can guarantee that they will not mess up my sheets unnecessarily. To protect my sofa from sweat stains and every other DNA-related substance, I use a throw, which is so much easier to clean than frequent sets of bedding. After an evening of sofa-sex, I go back to my clean bed to sleep alone. I always wake up relaxed and content the next morning, remembering the events of the night before in a purely objective and distanced way. I need only look forward to the next opportunity.

After so many incredible moments on my beloved sofa, I finally realised that it was time for a change. The night before I was due to hand it over to the Italian students, I decided to give in to sexual sentimentality and indulge in one last sofa-gasm to say farewell properly. The climax took me by complete surprise. It was a seemingly never-ending series of surges and shudders and I felt as though I was being consumed by the energy generated by the memories of all my past sofa-sex sessions. Every separate spasm seemed to equate to every remembered orgasm that I had enjoyed upon it. Afterwards, I wondered if the new owners will benefit from the sofa’s stored sexual energy as well.

Now, I have to bless a brand new sofa in the usual way and I can not wait to find out who the lucky person will be who participates in the ritual with me.

Translation of ‘Sexo en el sofá‘ published in El País