No Pain, No Gain (BDSM)

Pain has always been a part of accepted behaviour in conventional sexual relationships. The loss of control that defines the act itself anticipates scratching and hair pulling; love bites are a more obvious reminder of recent pleasures.These “in the moment” expressions of passion are intuitive and spontaneous. The application of pain when associated with BDSM is different, it is methodical and organised for a specific purpose; it refines the production of pleasure by the exploitation of its polar opposite.

There are many intelligent applications of pain in the world of BDSM, enough to sharpen appetites that are subtle or broad. Spanking is an arousing interplay of punishment and sensuality, randomness and design.Whipping is a more direct approach to the use of formal chastisement without sweetness to balance it. Temperature play tests our reactions to heat and cold to enhance sensation to a much greater degree. Even rope burns from shibari bondage can have an appeal all of their own.The list goes on and on.

To read a lot more about the uses and value of pain in the search for greater pleasures and to enjoy more images from this set, please refer to LOVE ME LIKE YOU HATE ME, my forthcoming book about BDSM written with Erika Lust and due for publication in Autumn 2010.
Photos by David Vega.


Venus O’Hara

3 thoughts on “No Pain, No Gain (BDSM)”

  1. No pain no gain is such a bullshit concept and is just a way to GATE KEEP by saying, you either incorporate pain into your sex life, or you’re automatically a closed-minded prude and doing it wrong etc.

    CONSENT is required and you might not advocate literally FORCING it on people, you also don’t have the right to judge others in a negative way for NOT consenting to it either.

    Otherwise, you get: “Consent is required, but if you don’t consent to everything that I want you to, then you’re a loser”.

    Pain is NOT MANDATORY for BDSM. There’s plenty of PAIN FREE BDSM out there and not just as a beginner thing either, but there are just as many people who live a pain free BDSM sex life for their whole entire life as there are those who incorporate pain into their sex life. Neither one is wrong.

    Vanilla shaming and anti-pain shaming is just as wrong as Kink shaming and when you do one or the other, you become just as much a contributor to the problem as the other. Going from one extreme end to the opposite extreme end on the other side benefits no one. All it does is inflate your ego and make you feel superior to everyone else who is not kinky or adventurous or into fetishes, or pain.

    I have literally ZERO pain tolerance and I don’t like seeing others in pain either, consensual or not, because my empathy is way too high. I’m not saying that people who enjoy it are sick or evil, but I shouldn’t HAVE to partake in any way myself or lest be judged and shamed for it.

    Even the slightest SPEC of physical pain in any way, shape or form is a HARD limit for me and I’m not willing to break it or test it for anybody or anything.

    I’m not consenting to receiving it, dishing it out, watching it happen to others, either in porn or in real life or anything.

    Which is all my right and nothing I should have to feel ashamed over. It doesn’t make me inferior to those who do enjoy it.

    No pain no gain BDSM is just a way to gaslight and manipulate people into consenting to shit they don’t want to do which is not true consent then, or to judge and shame those, (like me) who will never ever consent to it in a million years for any reason whatsoever.

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