My No Alarm Lifestyle

My No Alarm Lifestyle

“So, what’s the best thing about your job?” a journalist asked me once.

Was it the free sex toys to test and review? The numerous invitations to kinky parties? Seeing the fruits of my labour appear regularly in print via the medium of books and magazine articles? The simple fact that I got paid to write about my scandalous sexplorations?

No. It wasn’t any of those things. Simply put, the best thing about my job is that it allows me to live a No Alarm Life.

But, what is a no alarm lifestyle? You may well ask. Let me explain. I live without the necessity of an alarm clock of any kind. I rely, instead, upon my bio-rhythms to dictate the sequence of my daily activities. In other words, every night when I go to bed, I enjoy the luxury of trusting my body to wake up naturally.

Living without an alarm does not mean that I sleep more. In some cases, I actually sleep less but it happens to be of a much higher quality. In the past, I used to sleep with my blinds down because I wanted to prolong the sense that it was still nighttime for as long as possible. But now, I have my blinds raised because I like to wake up with the Mediterranean sun in my face. I feel extremely happy in the morning and that is a good start to any day. I am convinced that my no alarm lifestyle gives me that extra vitality that I need and with far less stress than before.

I loathe having a rushed morning routine. I usually wake up with an orgasm – I have a range of my favourite sex toys within easy reach and I refuse to rush. After I have got my breath back, I have my breakfast. At the moment I am really into cold-press juicing and that requires a significant investment in time to chop up all the green vegetables, but it is always worth it.

After that, I shower, get to work straight away or go to the gym. My sequence of tasks depends on the given day and whatever I feel like doing at the moment. One thing that I really do not miss is having an inflexible timetable and rushing around in the morning to accommodate it. I vaguely remember having perhaps an hour to shower, have breakfast, get dressed, put my makeup on and get out of the door. Then, I would still have to rush to get to the Metro on time. Those days are long gone.

The total absence of an alarm in my life also affects other natural processes, not just my sleep patterns. My digestion is a good example. At the moment, I can eat when I feel like it and I can use the bathroom whenever I need to. Without going into excessive detail, I remember a time when I was working in luxury real estate. Due to the morning rush, I often missed out on my bathroom slot. So, I ended up going to work without going to the toilet and feeling bloated all day. I would be extremely uncomfortable and spend much of the working day wishing I could go home just to use the toilet.

I am one of these people who cannot comfortably relieve myself outside the home. I have to use my own toilet to feel totally relaxed. We worked in a very confined space in the office and there were only six of us in total. It was painfully obvious when any of the meat-eating men had been in the unisex cubicle. Even several bursts of air freshener could not improve the atmosphere inside. It was just another reason to avoid the issue by keeping clear.

It just so happened that I carried the keys to some of the best luxury apartments in the old town of Barcelona. I could not resist the temptation to take advantage of my privileged access and use some of the most high-end bathrooms to attend to my bathroom needs. I confessed this to a work colleague and she admitted to me that she had done the very same thing. It was so funny that we went through the prospectus of properties just to find out which ones we had ‘blessed’. At this moment, I am not sure if there was a correlation between the houses we used and whether they sold or not.

As my work schedule gets more and more intense, having a no alarm lifestyle gets harder to maintain. But, I will do my very best to preserve it, and all of its obvious benefits, for as long as I possibly can.


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