Two things can happen when you masturbate thinking about someone with whom you’ve never been intimate. It can either increase your desire for that person or it can control it. When I started feeling an uncontrollable desire for my next-door neighbour. He is someone I see every day, and I feared that if I stimulated myself thinking about him, the former would happen. I didn’t want that to happen because he was someone that I considered to be completely off-limits.
I could imagine that if something were to happen and it went horribly wrong between us, I could end up feeling very uncomfortable in my apartment. I would also feel uncomfortable having sex with someone else knowing that he could hear it or worse still: listening to him having sex with someone else. Fortunately, we were both single and seemingly celibate so I didn’t have to deal with that.
The sexual tension between us was undeniable. It all started when one of my sex toys was delivered to his flat by mistake. I went to collect it and we got chatting. He was curious about the size and weight of the package that he was safeguarding for me.
‘You receive so many packages,’ he said.
I confessed that I was actually a sex toy reviewer and that I masturbated for a living. He looked at me with his mouth gaping in disbelief and this admission provoked a deep discussion about sex and pleasure.
After this conversation, my erotic imagination was ignited. The elevator journeys were never long enough for me. I enjoyed our small talk in the hallway and I even felt the desire to make more noise than usual when I masturbated because our bedrooms were next to each other, separated by a very thin wall. I could sometimes hear him snore so I was convinced that he could hear me masturbate while I was thinking about him.
Knowing that time is always the best judge, I decided to wait and see how my desire progressed before doing something crazy. Besides, I was in the middle of my menstrual cycle when I realised that he was my masturbation muse, meaning that my hormones were in full swing, and I wasn’t exactly thinking with a clear mind. I decided to wait until after my period to see if I still wanted to take the flirting to the next level.
As such, I would at least be able to distinguish between a hormonal desire and a genuine one.
Despite this particular situation, interestingly enough, my masturbation muses are not usually people I know in my daily life. On the contrary. Generally, the protagonists of my sexual fantasies don’t even have a face or identity. When I close my eyes and focus on the urgent throbbing of my clitoris, I perceive feminine or masculine energy, depending on the specific fantasy in question. I imagine anonymous hands roaming my body and hot, wet tongues flickering against my intimate parts until I reach my climax.
Anyway, back to my neighbour, my period came and went, and even with my hormones in a more controlled state, my desire for him only increased. When I stimulate myself, I imagine his penetrating gaze, the tone of his voice, and his mischievous smile. Despite the orgasms he provokes in me when I think of him, the satisfaction I feel never lasts, just as I had feared.
There is only one solution for this situation. I think it’s time to replace my hands with his and turn my masturbation muse into a lover. Although I’m not sure how I’m going to accomplish this, I will continue to think of him when I touch myself and hope for the best.
There are two things that can happen when a masturbation muse becomes a lover. It could be better in reality or it could be distastrous. Either way, I am eager to find out.