I can always turn unwanted presents to my advantage.
For me, the definition of an ideal present is one that you didn’t imagine that you wanted or needed. When you tear open its wrapping and look at it though, you love it instantly. Convincing someone to buy something that you want in a shop removes that surprise value and you appreciate it less.
There’s a type of gift that always gets a sort of medium response from me when I unwrap it. They’re usually generic presents or “safe” ones. Everyone needs socks but how interesting will a new pair ever be? I put on a fake smile and push them to one side when no one’s looking.
This Christmas, I was looking forward to a surprise gift of mystery lingerie that I received from a fan. I’m a lingerie fetishist and I adore new pieces. I can never have enough new underwear, especially if it’s expensive and flattering. It must be flattering whether it’s expensive or not, however. What’s the point of a high-end pair of panties that make my end look less than perfect?
I opened the designer tissue paper and found the offending article inside. It was a pair of vintage knickers made from an authentic and synthetic material I didn’t recognise. It was intended for an hourglass figure originally. That’s definitely not the figure I have and I’d assumed that any real fan might’ve noticed that. Although I’m an enthusiast for retro-underwear, these was never going to impress me.
I had the dilemma of going onto the manufacturers website and checking up on their returns policy. This might evaluate whether it was worth sending them back to my fan so he could return them himself. Then he could get a refund and buy me something better. I didn’t want to upset him though. When I told him about the problem I had with with his present, I chose my words very carefully. He frowned, looked unhappy and started to sulk immediately.
He took me by surprise with a question: Didn’t I even think that the reason I sent them was because he wanted to see me wearing them? Despite what I thought? I didn’t know how to respond. It had a fetish logic to it. I felt guilty, but only for a moment.
I took the initiative and demanded a fee for even trying them on. I would expect even more before I let him see me wearing them on webcam. A picture of me with them on would drain his savings completely.
I’ll never fail to make the most of any unwanted presents.