I remember when I was at University and had meetings with my careers advisor about my future. My intention after completing my studies in French and European Politics, with its specialisation in feminism, was fairly clear. I wanted to use my language skills, help people and, most importantly, do something that I was extremely passionate about. I didn’t necessarily have a specific job in mind. None of the professions that were suggested to me, such as teaching, diplomacy, translation/interpreting were particularly inspiring either. In the end, I just decided to postpone answering those serious life questions for another year. So, I went to live in Spain and learn Spanish.
Now, years later, I’m still in Spain. A great deal has happened since I first arrived. Although I began work as an English teacher, I now find myself being Spain’s first professional sex toy tester. I love it when I meet new people at parties and we compare our careers. That’s because I always have the coolest job description. It’s Inevitable that I get asked how I got it. There is clearly no recognised diploma for being a sex toy tester and it’s certainly not a position that is advertised at your local employment agency.
No one taught me the tricks of my trade because, when I began, that trade didn’t really exist. Nor did I actively seek to turn my orgasms into a career. To my surprise, and satisfaction, it just happened and I finessed my skills along the way. It really started when I was making a name for myself in Spanish media. I was receiving an increasing volume, and variety, of adult novelties from companies who wanted me to promote them. It seemed to make sense that I should try them out before I thought of endorsing them. My honest opinions, in the form of reviews, became a lucrative sideline business that just grew and grew.
There is a danger, when your passion becomes your job, that you become less passionate about it. During my student days, I worked as a waitress to make ends meet. But I vowed never to work in a pizzeria, or Italian restaurant, as it was my favourite kind of cuisine and I didn’t want to get bored with the sight, smell and taste of it. I didn’t have this fear with sex toys for obvious reasons. I mean, how could I possibly get sick of intense orgasms?
There is, of course, a lot more to sex toy testing than merely pleasuring myself and writing about it after the fact. For example, you have to have an entrepreneurial spirit and possess online marketing skills. You must establish a profile, or a name, in the sector and I did just that. The authenticity of my orgasms, and the value of my opinion, have proven to be significant enough for leading brands to pay me for my objective assessment of their products.
There are physical skills that are necessary in my business. An understanding of personal biology is essential. I need to be acutely aware of my most responsive areas so that I can encourage orgasms whenever I want or need to. All of my past climaxes, even the ones I had at University, have been the perfect preparation for my current job. In fact, the more time I spent in bed with my boyfriend, at the expense of academic research in the library, the better my current qualifications became. If I had only known that at the time, I wouldn’t have felt so guilty.
The psychological requirements for the role are just as significant as the physical. I rely a lot on my erotic imagination. I need it to reach orgasm when a sex toy is not quite to my tastes. It is also necessary to visualise all the best ways that the toy can be used and who it might be ideal for. Far too many sex toy testers focus their reviews on their own opinion. They can forget that we are all subtly different in terms of physicality and temperament.
After the testing process of a toy is complete, there are writing skills to consider. It’s necessary to engage readers with an appealing style. They have to want to come back and read up about my recent orgasms. Their curiosity about my future ones should make them eager to click on them as soon as they can. To make review-writing easier, I made up my own template so that I could just fill in the details. Sometimes my written opinion is so arousing, even to me, that I get tempted to try the toy again half-way through completing my all-important analysis. That is usually the proof of a convincing review and an even more convincing toy.
When I look back at my student days, I recall wanting to use my language skills, help people and, most importantly, do something I was enthused about. I could never have imagined that I would end up doing all of those things and more. If I could go back and advise my younger self, I would say, ‘just do what you are passionate about, relax and all good things will come’.
And that is exactly what happened.