Venus O'Hara cheerleader

Does my ass look big in this?

Hopefully, the answer to that question will be ‘yes’. Before the belfie-taking Kardashian era, this response would have been inconceivable. But, thank God, a great deal has changed since those days. Back then, you could not say such a thing, even if you thought it. Personally speaking, I did not feel the need to Keep up with the Kardashians in order to appreciate my own curvy (but not fat) derriere. The bigger and more bubblelicious it looked the better, as far as I was concerned. My opinion has not changed. If something makes my ass look big, then it is more or less guaranteed that I will be buying it. 


My ass has always been a premium asset of mine. I am convinced that good genes have something to do with it. But, so did the fact that I lived at the top of a very steep hill on the outskirts of Barcelona for several years. Whenever I threw a dinner party, my friends would be breathless when I answered the door to them after their arduous climb. The view of the city from my apartment – one that not even tourists could see –  should have been a sufficient reward, in addition to my good company of course. Even though I lived with that view every day, I still adored it. But even so, I was much more concerned and motivated by another reward that my vantage point offered. That was the firm ass of my dreams. 


Sometimes, I would arrive home and then realise that I had forgotten a vital piece of shopping. That meant that I was obliged to go all the way down the hill just so I could fetch it and go back up again. Although I would be annoyed with myself at first, that feeling did not last. I would sigh, shrug and remind myself that my rump would reap the benefits of my forgetfulness.


In those circumstances, the maintenance of my perky posterior was a straightforward matter. But then, three years ago, I moved out. My new home was in an apartment building and although I did not have a view worth talking about, I loved living more centrally. My new location was great for my social life but my ass suffered from the lack of daily uphill workouts. Although I lived on the fourth floor – and I took the stairs a few times – it just wasn’t the same. Over time, my beloved backside inevitably began to sag and deflate. It only looked decent when I was on all fours. I began to think that it was part and parcel of the ageing process and that my firm round ass was a thing of the past.




I was not going to allow that to happen. So, I joined the local gym and I was most definitely on a mission. After several months of dedication to the improvement of my bottom, I am more than happy to report that it has regained its former glory. After countless squats, lunges, hip thrusts, and weightlifting classes, it is looking better than ever.


These days, I often find myself admiring my prime portion of peachiness in the mirror. I can not help assessing its firmness by giving it a quick squeeze, or three. Or, I treat it to an impudent spank. I love the fact that it barely shakes. So, the next time that I try some leggings on, and I wonder whether my ass looks big in them, I want the answer to be: ‘it looks HUGE!’


Now, I just need to find someone who will spank it for me

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